Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
