Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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