did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
