In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
