I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
