You really coming over, don't trick.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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