there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize