your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
