I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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