The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
