Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
