also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
