So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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