its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
