So drunk its hurt
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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