i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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