Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
