cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Text me some of your sweat
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
