it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
You don't make any sense
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