WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Randomize
