What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
