chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
