i just had sex bonerless
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Randomize
