She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
