There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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