He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
