I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
