it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
