Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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