Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
