Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize