so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
