i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
