Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
