It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize