Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
