I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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