P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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