As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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