Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Randomize
