Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
