so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
