I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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