During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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