i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
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