At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
i need some magic done to my vagina
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
