dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
