I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
