At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Is it penis luge time yet?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
