Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Randomize
