Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Randomize
