my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
