you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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