I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize