I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
