hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
