So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize