Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
