Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
