absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize