I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
