so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
