Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Randomize
