we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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