I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize