Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
