3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
