Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
