when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
