we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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