dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
