My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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