Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
