First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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