I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize