like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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