ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize