The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
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