Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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