So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize