don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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