Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
