Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
