At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
