when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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