she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
