I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
